...from attending ANY wedding.
This has nothing to do with the fact that I may or may not be hormonal from just having had a baby. Nope. Nothing to do with that at all.
The reason I know this is because this ALWAYS happens to me, even before having children.
I'm a sap. Overemotional. Over-analytical. Hyper-sensitive. You get the idea.
We attended a wedding this evening for my sister-in-law's brother in-law. (Did I lose you on that one?) I have never met the bride. I distantly know the groom. That doesn't matter. I am a sap.
Here's how it usually plays out.
I sit somewhere where I can see the bride pretty well when she walks in. I sit where I can see the groom's face as he watches his bride enter the room. I'm gonna cry already. Geez. I sit somewhere where I can hear the father say, "Her mother and I." I set myself up. Why? Cuz I'm a sucker for sappy stuff. Lame. I know, I really do this to myself.
I usually start with the tears before the bride even starts down the aisle. I'm thinking about what her father must be thinking. I'm thinking about what her mother must be thinking. I simply absorb the pride and emotion coming from what must be the happiest and most emotionally confusing time for a parent. And there, it's done. I try to pretend like I must just have allergies. I completely avoid making eye contact with anyone. This is my story.
Tonight was a little different. Tonight, Macy wanted to be able to get a good look at the bride, so she and Daddy sat in the seat closest to the aisle (my normal spot) about 5-6 rows ahead of me. I sat in the very back corner holding Zach, just in case he got a case of "man gas" or decided to test out his lungs. I thought that was a pretty good decision. Spice up my "normal" routine so that I wouldn't "lose it."
Wrong. Wrong. Wrong. Beyond wrong. Is it possible to be more emotional? Yes. I proved it. I didn't sob, I'm not one of those. I just have the big alligator tears that roll down my cheeks and I have to bite my bottom lip because of the shimmy shimmy shakes. Lame. I know. (You are all laughing at me...shame on you. This is me pouring out my soul) wink.
Tonight a feeling I have never felt before rushed through my body as the ceremony began. It started as I saw my husband put his arm around my little girl. Okay, getting choked up. Stop it. I will get through this post. Geez. Anyways, he puts his arm around her, and all I can think is "Oh my gosh, this could be us someday." This could be my daughter's wedding. And then I start thinking about how Steve will feel walking his baby girl down the aisle! How I will feel watching them. Will I have composure? Probably not. I don't want to be one of those mom's that sobs like crazy at their daughter's wedding. Then, I realize, this could be Zach's wedding too. How will I feel watching him watch his bride walk down the aisle? Will he get choked up seeing her? Will he beam with joy? Wow. It really is very overwhelming for me.
My babies will grow up someday. Hopefully, they will find someone wonderful to share their lives with. Someone that completes them and brings them more joy than they had before. I really do want that for my children. But, can I make it through the ceremony??? I sometimes barely know the people getting married and you'd think I was the "ex" sorry to see them marry someone else or something! It's ridiculous.
So, tonight I'm gonna hug my kiddos a little longer. Remind them again how adored they are by daddy and me. Pray a little harder that they meet a Godly mate. Give some extra smooches, and try to enjoy our time instead of worrying about if the dishes are done. And, in the morning, I'll flip through the yellow pages and find a good shrink to get me prepared for that day. It's gonna take some work. (Just kidding.)
(Here's the funny thing...I didn't cry at my OWN wedding.) Someone must have slipped me a Valium or something. bwahahaa.