Saturday, January 14, 2012

conspiracy theory

i'm thinking this needs to be pinned up on
mel gibson's wall.
he has a pinterest, right?

remember the movie conspiracy theory?
with mel gibson?
julia roberts?
ringing a bell?
love that movie for your information.

well i think i'm onto something here.

it's called: kill the consumer in shipping costs.

and now there's evidence.

cue story:
a while back we had a crazy-a-double-snakes wind storm.
lots of stuff got blown around.
it was a little less dramatic than dorothy's wind episode.
but, for was pretty wild.

upon surveying the damage at our house,
i stumbled upon one of my favorite tchotchkes.
i don't really even know what you call it.
but i scored it on clearance at Longs (now CVS) and I was pretty pumped.
seeing it broken to bits was a little disheartening.
and quite revealing.
and a tad startling.
and head-scratch worthy.

i'll admit.
at first i kinda felt like i was on an episode of LOST,
where they find the abandoned airplane with all the virgin mary statues
and when they bust them open they realize they are packed with coke.
(not the drinkable kind)
and they surmise it was a big smuggling business.

while mine isn't packed with coke
(not to worry fbi...)
it's packed with little churches and other tchotchkes.

it's WEIRD people.
really weird. right?

and then.
it hit me!
like an unexpected tether ball hit to the head.

it's a weight issue!
the little sneaky-sneaks.

to get more in shipping costs.

they take their leftover crap that they can't sell.
they shove and glue it into the said tchotchke so it doesn't 
rattle around and get people all suspicious.
and they pack it.
and they weigh their cheap little shipment....
and now it's worth more.
they have a deal with ups.

i'm onto little sneaky-sneakers.
i've exposed your elaborate, weird, and wildly amusing scheme.

and mel can send me my royalty check in the mail
when you decide to do a conspiracy theory part 2 and you want to use
this little gem.
you're welcome.


  1. hmmm. now some might have thought is was an omen...they were to dedicate themselves to building churches...they could visit church more often...they should go door to door telling of this miracle....
    others might have thought yippee! free loot!
    still others may believe it was some impoverished worker, trying to surprise someone, someday far away with the reminder that we all pray and someone is listening.
    then again, if it were me, i would grind those previously hidden trinkets down. pure coke.

  2. Brilliant. I'm going to start stuffing the toes of my shoes that I make with rocks and charge a lot more....