Friday, August 31, 2012

Fulfilling my promises...

I promised you.
Posts that are sappy-less....

unless of course those said tears are from laughter...
that i cannot promise from this post.

Let me set the stage:
Today Macy had a late start Friday, and Zach had preschool...there was much sleeping in, running around, shouts for brushing teeth, and claps of "chop chop...let's get a move on..."
You know those mornings.
Mine was today.

After getting Macy to the bus on time (whew)
Zach and I dart around for our morning chores: feed the animals, start laundry, pick up rooms etc. etc.

While I am in the bathroom brushing my teeth, I hear the kitchen door open and close.
Then, open and close again real fast with the hustling of little Zach feet.
His bedroom door closes.
My eyebrow raises.
(literally, because I watched myself do it in the bathroom mirror)

I walk to hallway and ask, "Zach, are you almost ready to go?"
"Yeah mom, just cleaning my room," he sing-song states to me.

I'm willing to bet that you other mothers/fathers out there have this radar too...
Your raised eyebrows turn into a furrow, and you know something is up.
A little alarm goes off in your brain that says, yeah.right.buddy.....this calls
for some further investigation.

I let myself into Zach's room to find that he hasn't cleaned up a stitch of anything,
and his eyes are as wide as the blue-moon.
Ding-ding mama....we have a winner.

"Whatcha doin doesn't look to me like you are cleaning your room," I press.
"I'm taking my time mom," he says with a big beautiful melt your heart smile.

We have to leave.
Like 5 minutes ago.

I survey the room, and it really doesn't seem to me that he's been up to no I take him at his word and we leave the house for preschool.

During our normal chit-chat on the way to school, Zach announces to me like he just had an epiphany, "Mom...I have a new pet!!"
Quick blinking...
"Oh really? Since when?" I quiz.
"Since I went outside, and caught that frog you told me to leave alone...and I brought him in the house and washed him in the sink, and now he lives in my pants."
"WHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTTTTTTTT?" I draw out for emphasis to him because I'm slightly confused about said location of frog, and how this is just getting brought up now....and the full realization of what was really going on in his room all that time.

He stammers.
I'm stunned.

I try to rein in this conversation for details.

Me: "Zach, where is the frog right now?"
Zach: "In my pants."
Me: "Where in your pants?"
Zach: "Under them."
Me: "So, you're sitting on the frog?"
Zach: "No."
Me: "So, the frog is in your pocket?"
Zach: "No."
Me: "Zach, I'm confused. Where is the frog right now?"
Zach: "I'm just kidding mom. Never mind."
Me: "No, not 'nevermind'...where is the need to tell mommy because that is one of God's living things, and not a toy buddy."
Zach: (sigh) "Okay, he really is in my pants."
Me: "WHERE in your pants?!"
Zach: "In my closet, under my pants, in the drawer."
Me: (relief) "Okay. I will find him and let him outside when I get home, and you better pray that when I find him he hasn't peed and pooped all over your pants."
Zach: "Oh great. I didn't eeeeeeeeeeeeevvvvvvvvvveeeeeeeeeeeennnnnnnnnnn think about that. Gross."

Yes, my friends.
When I came home....
This is what I found to be true:

 So I released the frog to his home. Our front porch railing where he keeps watch and poops all over.
Seriously. Those rat-poop like droppings are really frog poop.
It's so gross.

I amand I have a real life Huck-Finn in my family.

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