Trying to keep up with my hope to celebrate July, Steve, and Macy.
Macy's posts will come soon.
Today as I was flipping through pictures I was reminded how selfish I am.
I think we are wired to be selfish.
Being self-less is hard.
Putting someone's needs before my own aren't always hard for me, especially if they are friends or kids.
Somehow I've gotten really lazy about being "self-less" for Steve.
When we are home and are agenda-less, I often think about what I need, what I want to do, how I want to spend my free time.
I'm a pretty good micro-manager.
I forget sometimes that Steve has joys too.
Things he loves.
He's so go-with-the-flow that he often concedes to my plans.
I like plans.
I was looking through our old photos and I found this gem:
The first thing I thought was, "Aww...we look cute."
We were on our honeymoon.
I also look incredibly refreshed and in love.
I was over-the-moon.
As a newlywed I remember thinking about Steve's needs, hopes, dreams a lot and how supporting him gave me such joy.
Next I was struck by the contrast of that life and this life.
I instantly felt selfish.
Notice what Steve is holding over his shoulder.
Those are golf-clubs people.
HE golfed on our honeymoon.
I was the caddy.
There were about 5 other excursions I would have chosen 1,000 times over.
But I helped him pick golf, because it's "joy" for him.
His joy was exciting for me.
I loved being his caddy because being his caddy meant I got to just be with him all day.
I felt selfish looking at this picture because I don't help him "pick" those joys anymore.
I make laundry lists of "to-do's" that leave little time for just being with him.
Our life has become full by choice, and we've picked different "joys" to fill our marriage.
After a little reflection I stopped beating myself up for being so selfish that I don't make as much time for his joys, I remembered how we have evolved and that I can still be that girl.
We've been married for almost 13 years and despite our hardest efforts, we have gotten a little lazy in helping each other make time for the things that give us elation.
So today I'm setting a goal.
Work on it, Joni.
Be self-less for Steve.
Help him make time for his joys.
His joys made you happy and they really still do.
What do you do for others that gives you true elation?